If you self-harm, these strategies may help to reduce the urge or find safer ways to address these urges. Support is available. You’re not alone.
When painful or difficult emotions overwhelm you, you may feel self-harm can offer a way to:
- regain a sense of control
- feel something when you’re otherwise numb
- express or distract yourself from unwanted emotions
- punish yourself
Still, self-harm comes with significant pain and risks:
- If you cut too deeply or burn yourself severely, you may require immediate medical care and a long recovery time.
- Self-harm usually leads to feeling guilty, embarrassed, or helpless later on.
- Harming yourself won’t take away the emotional pain or problem and may distract you from seeking the support that does make a difference.
Even when you understand self-harm isn’t a healthy coping method, you may find it hard to stop or think of anything else during a moment of distress.
But there are other ways to find quick relief and also manage emotional pain in the long run. Here are a few of them to consider.
If you need help nowIf you need someone to talk to in a moment of distress, trained, compassionate crisis counselors can listen and offer support with finding helpful ways to cope.
- Call or text the 988 Lifeline at 988 or chat at 988Lifeline.org.
- Text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
- Call 866-488-7386 or text START to 678678 to reach a Trevor Project counselor for LGBTQIA+ youth.
When you feel like self-harming, consider asking yourself why.
Getting a clearer idea of what’s behind the impulse can lead you to an alternative way to manage your emotions:
- Feeling angry? Physical activities like jumping or punching in the air could help burn off those intense emotions.
- Feeling lonely, isolated, or ignored? Reaching out to friends, family members, counselors, or even saying hi to the person next to you may help ease the sense of loneliness and the desire to self-harm.
- Feeling numb? Activities that produce pleasant physical sensations, like bathing or showering, eating food you enjoy, getting a massage, or spending time outside, may stimulate you emotionally.
Changing your environment can offer a distraction and give you enough time away from self-harm tools that the urge may pass before you return.
Time in nature also has a calming effect. You may want to try simple outings like:
- wandering through your neighborhood
- visiting a nearby park
- stopping by a favorite place that helps you feel calm and at peace
No need to spend hours outside. You can start slow and progress in small steps.
Try sitting next to an open window to feel the fresh air on your face. From there, you may move to sitting on the porch or just outside your door. If possible, walking around the block may be the next step.
Physical activity also offers benefits in itself. You release “feel good” chemicals in the brain, and it also serves as a distraction that may help lift your mood and relieve overwhelming thoughts.
Working out may be the last thing you feel like doing, and there’s no need to force it. But just moving around more than usual can help.
You may want to try simple, low key exercises that do not require a lot of energy or equipment. Consider the following:
- Try a simple dance or yoga routine from YouTube.
- Do some basic stretches while listening to your favorite music or watching a TV show.
- If you have a dog, head out for a long ramble. If you don’t, consider connecting with a friend who does and take a walk together.
- Take a quick, short jog around your home.
- Do 1 minute of half squats.
Crowded environments occasionally feel overwhelming, but sometimes, the background noise and movement of other people can provide a sense of community and safety and help you feel less alone.
Simply being around others can offer a distraction that eases the desire to self-harm:
- Treat yourself to a coffee, snack, or lunch, and enjoy it at a park or other natural setting.
- Visit a bookstore, library, music shop, museum, or other place you enjoy.
- Write in a journal or listen to music outdoors.
- Invite trusted friends to watch a movie or TV show.
Emotional support from friends and loved ones can help when you feel like self-harming.
Opening up about how you feel isn’t always easy, but it often helps to start by sharing with someone you trust to offer support without judgment. This may be a counselor, therapist, spiritual guide, close relative, or a loving friend.
How to bring it up
Try saying something like:
- “I feel like harming myself, but I don’t want to. I just have a lot of pain. Will you keep me company so I can stay safe?”
- “I’m trying to stop self-harming and I could use some support. Can you come over?”
Even if you don’t feel ready to offer specific details, try asking for support in a more general way:
- “Can we spend some time together? I’m feeling really overwhelmed, and I think it will help to have someone nearby.”
- “I’ve got a lot on my mind and it’s hard to cope. Could I talk with you about how I’m feeling?”
- “I’m feeling really off today and I could use some loving company. Do you have some time to spend together today?”
Music often provides temporary relief from painful and overwhelming feelings:
- Turning your attention to the lyrics and rhythm can help you focus on something other than your distress.
- Listening to music could help you regulate and process upsetting emotions.
Putting on a favorite playlist could help you pause the urge to self-harm long enough to work through what you’re feeling and identify other ways to cope.
The type of music you choose does matter, though. Listening to sad or nostalgic music could help you process your grief after losing a friend or romantic partner, for example.
But everyone is different. It’s also possible that music that aligns with your distress may not offer relief. If you already feel down, sad music could
Instead, try:
- upbeat or energizing music — think workout, feel-good, or “Get Up!” playlists
- classical music, or
a mix of classical and jazz - soothing or relaxing music (depending on your personal tastes, this might include New Age, Celtic, or spa and meditation music)
- nature sounds
You can find pre-mixed playlists on Spotify, Pandora, or YouTube.
As an alternative to music, try the spoken word with a podcast or audiobook. The nostalgic words of a classic or childhood favorite — even one you’ve read many times before — can offer a comforting distraction.
You’ll often hear about meditation as a strategy for coping with painful or distressing thoughts.
Still, meditation doesn’t help everyone all the time. If you’re feeling distressed, you may find that some meditations intensify certain thoughts, including the urge to self-harm.
Guided imagery offers an alternative approach that may help. This visual approach to relaxation helps you create a mental “happy place” by thinking of pleasant scenes.
Adding vivid, specific sensory details to your mental image can help you release stress, take your mind off the urge to self-harm, and promote feelings of peace and calm.
Try it now
- Sit or lie down comfortably and close your eyes.
- Take a few deep breaths. Continue breathing slowly until you feel your body begin to relax.
- Picture a place that makes you feel calm, content, happy, or relaxed, whether that’s a place you’ve already visited or one you want to visit someday.
- Begin adding details to the scene. Use all of your senses to make your imagined setting come alive. Maybe you hear birds, water rushing, or the sound of leaves under your feet. You might smell the grass, wildflowers, and bread baking. Perhaps you feel the warm earth below your feet or the wind on your face.
- Mentally navigate the scene. You might imagine yourself walking along a trail or path or simply looking at all there is to see. Focus on each detail, breathe slowly, and let your visualized space occupy your thoughts.
- Imagine yourself absorbing the calm and peace of your image each time you breathe in. When you breathe out, imagine distress and pain exiting your body with your breath.
- Remind yourself you can revisit this scene whenever you like. You can even “uncover” new areas of your mental scene and add more details. Perhaps you jump into the lake and take a swim, feeling the cool water refresh you. Or the bread comes out of the oven, and you bite into the crunchy, butter-soaked crust.
When communicating emotions through words feels overwhelming, art offers another way to express yourself and redirect the urge to self-harm.
Art can also offer benefits you may not get with other coping techniques:
- Creative work can offer a sense of control, since you choose what to express and how.
- Art allows you to express distress with your hands in a real, physical way.
- When you’re finished, you have a record of your feelings you can keep or discard.
Art doesn’t just help you process painful emotions. When you devote your attention to a creative project that utilizes all of your skills, you might find yourself completely engaged in what’s called a flow state.
In a state of flow, other feelings — hunger, exhaustion, pain, fear, emotional distress — tend to dwindle and fade into the background. Flow states can also boost motivation, satisfaction, and other positive feelings.
Any creative activity can help you express your feelings: drawing, painting, doodling, or molding clay.
You may want to start small. Just pick up a pencil and paper, or any medium you prefer, and start by scribbling. Even this simple, not-very-artistic approach can offer some distraction and relief.
Other ideas to try:
- Give your pain a shape and illustrate it.
- Draw or sculpt something that provides a sense of safety or protection.
- Picture a place that makes you happy and put it on paper.
- Decorate your room or just move things around.
- Do something creative with a piece of clothing, like painting on it, adding crystals, or just ripping off the sleeves.
Mental health professionals and other healthcare professionals often recommend harm minimization strategies and grounding techniques as alternatives to self-harm.
Because everyone is different, these tactics work for many people, but research suggests others find them unhelpful.
When these strategies don’t relieve the urge, you may believe that other coping methods won’t either. But there’s always something that can help. It’s a matter of trying different options.
Harm minimization techniques are short-term solutions and may include:
- snapping rubber bands on your wrist
- pinching yourself
- drawing or painting red lines on your skin
- holding ice
- eating sour or spicy candies
- squeezing a stress ball
- punching a pillow or cushion
- screaming into a pillow
Harm minimization tactics can sometimes include safer self-harm practices, such as:
- sterilizing self-harm tools
- treating injuries immediately afterward
- only self-harming when you have someone you trust with you
- reducing self-harm intensity (for example, you might scratch yourself instead of cutting)
These tactics may help when you are still working on stopping self-harming altogether but want to stay safe as you begin exploring alternative coping strategies.
While coping strategies help reduce the impulse to self-harm, they generally don’t resolve the underlying causes of emotional pain. That means your urge to self-harm might return.
Support from a trained, compassionate therapist is often key to finding relief. Therapy offers a safe space to explore painful emotions and other self-harm triggers and begin identifying lasting solutions.